Date / Acquaintance Rape and Dating Violence

Myths About Dating Relationships:

• A guy needs to be in control of the relationship.
• A girl is to blamewhen the guy hits her.
• It's understandable to hit her; maybe next time she;ll learn not to make me angry.
• I love him. I'm the only one who can help him.
• Some girls ask for it; that's why they stay.
• I shoulnd't have nagged him. it was my fault he got angry.
• When a guy gets angry he can't help it. He's uncontrollable.
• I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing.
• She hit ne first and I hit her back,. everybody does it sometimes.
• If she really loved him, she could make him change.
• If I could figure out what sets him off and not do it, maybe he could stop.

All of the above statements are excuses.

Are you abusive?

• Do you constantly check up on your partner and accuse her or him of being with other people?
• Are you extremely jealous or possessive?
• Have you hit, kicked, shoved, or thrown things at your partner?
• Do you constantly insult or criticize your partner?
• Do you become violent when you drink or use drugs?
• have you threatened your partner or broken things in your partner's presence?
• have you forced your partner to have sex with you or intimidated your partner so that he or she is afraid to say no?
• Have you threatened to hurt yourself if your partner breaks up with you?

If you agreed to one or more of those questions, you are inflicting physical, emotional, verbal, and/or sexual abuse on your partner. As an abuser:

• You must take responsibility for your actions.
• you can't blame your behavior on your partner or drugs or alcohol.
• you can change the way you act if you get supportive counseling.
• you can call a crisis hotline for the number of a batterer's program or go to the counseling center at your school.
• unless you do something about it, it's going to get worse, and your violence will increase.
• you might be breaking the law with your abusive behavior.

Are you being abused?

• Are you afraid of your partner's temper?
• Are you afraid to disagree with your aprtner?
• Are you constantly apologizing for your partner's behavior, espectially when he or she has treated YOU badly?
• Do y ou have to justify every place you go, everything you do, or every person you see just to avoid your partner's anger?
• Does your partner constantly put you down and then tell you that he or she loves you?
• have you ever been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you
• Do you not see family or friends or do things just because of your partner's jealousy?
• have you been forced into having sex when you didn't what to?
• Are you afraid to break up because your partner has threatened to hurt you or himself/nerself?

If you agreed with one or more of those questions, you are in an abusive relationship. You can:

• end the relationship and choose not to see your partner.
• get help from someone you trust.
• go to your counseling center.
• review Your Rights in a Relationship
• Call 800 572 SAFE (7233) for a referral to a local support program in your area