Domestic Violence

Signs of domestic violence:

• unexplained injuries
• someone stalking, monitoring and/or following her
• repeated phone calls andor disruptive visits to the workplace
• absenteeism
• unexplained changes in performance

What you SHOULD say to someone who you suspect is being battered:
"I care about you and I'm sad this is happening to you."
"You don't deserve to be abused."
"The violence will get worse."
"I am afraid for your safety."

You should:

Emphasize that you are concerned. let the victim know you are supportive and that she is not responsible for what is happening to her -- reassure her that it isn't her fault.

Emphasize that when the victim is ready, there are a number of options available to help her. Allow her to make the decision that she needs help. Do not try to diagnose or treat the problem yourself, but you can offer to help h er, including making contact with referral agencies.

Demonstrate that you respect her decision if she decides to stay with her partner, even though you may not agree with it. Some victims leave and return to their partners several times. let her know that you support her no matter what and that going back does not mean failure.


What you SHOULD NOT say to someone who you suspect is being battered:

"If someone hit me once, I would leave. I don't know why you don't just leave him!"

You don't know the reasons why she stays with her paretner. Her reality is probably very different than yours. leaving a partner can be a very difficult process and often is a dangerous process for victims of domestic violence. In most cases, the most dangerous time for a victim is right after she leaves.

Also:

Don't dismiss her fears of him as if she is overreacting.

Don't try to instill shame in her for making the decision to stay or return to the abusive relationship.

Don't tell her she is a battered woman - let her tell you.

Let the victim decide what to do and what is best for her. She knows her own situation best. Do not put yourself in physical jeaopardy to help. You cannot help anyone if you are hurt.